Disenchantment
by Meaghan984
Summary: My version of the season finale. Blair makes a different choice, but it doesn't bring her any closer to her happily ever after.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, people. I have a HUGE problem with the way Blair was portrayed in the finale, so this is my attempt at correcting the events of 5x24. Some of the events of 5x24 may be slightly off, but I couldn't force myself to watch it again to get the information straight. Obviously I made changes, some because I wanted to and others because I couldn't remember what the hell happened.

I hope you guys enjoy it!

**Disenchantment**

_Part One_

Dan wasn't a prince.

She knew that. Hell, he wasn't even an Upper East Sider. He was barely considered a human being in society's view, and certainly not a relevant one. She knew all of that.

But he'd charmed her still. Maybe it was dressing her up as a prom queen and presenting her with an offensively cheap tiara that did it. Maybe it was hijacking her wedding car and putting a tacky souvenir T shirt on his credit card so she wouldn't be recognized by adolescent girls with poor taste in luggage. Maybe it was indulging in her deluded promise to God without making even one passing comment about putting her in an institution. Maybe it was doggedly pursuing her for a week, paying no heed to threats of a restraining order, to help her face the results held inside an unopened letter. Maybe it was being the only person to truly offer comfort in the face of that unplanned and potentially illegitimate pregnancy. Or maybe it was just the knowledge that throughout all of it, if she'd made any different choice, if she had stayed married or become a nun or found she was pregnant with a short, whispering mini-mogul with flamboyant taste in ties instead of nobility, Dan would stick by her. She'd still have him.

But he wasn't Chuck. For months that thought resounded in her head. It was practically screaming at her in the days leading up to Cece's wake. He wasn't Chuck and Chuck was the life of her life. Except she felt something for him. And she wanted to know what that something was. So she tried something. She told Chuck goodbye and she went to Dan and gave him her heart.

She gave Dan her heart and the voice got really quiet. Almost a whisper. And then the tone changed. It wasn't a scream or a threat she heard, but calm, soothing reassurance. She'd hear it when he'd sit near Serena and her insecurities overwhelmed her.

_Dan isn't Chuck. He won't hurt you. _

When some Gossip Girl blast threw her into a tailspin and she just knew someone was manipulating her.

_It's not Dan. He isn't Chuck._

When he told her he loved her and she blanched because no one had ever said it to her first. She was sure it couldn't be that easy.

_He isn't Chuck. He loves you._

Dan wasn't Chuck, but Blair knew deep down in her heart what a blessing that was. Even if his insecurities rattled her. Even if she wasn't sure they were ready to spend an entire summer together. Even if she knew proximity wasn't his only motive. Even in spite of his hair.

Blair knew Dan not being Chuck was a desirable attribute. She knew it was a pro and not a con. Because he loved her enough to lay it out there, every ugly, rampant, neurotic insecurity. He loved her enough to ask her to come to Italy so he wouldn't lose her. He loved her enough to ask her to make a choice instead of dismissing her outright when he sensed her indecisiveness. He loved her enough to say he did.

So she decided to love him enough to say it back.

At eight o'clock that night, she'd be there to make her choice.

But first she had to say goodbye. Once and for all, she had to say goodbye to Chuck.

Because he wasn't Dan.

* * *

_Gossip Girl: Spotted – Blair Waldorf licking Chuck Bass's wounds at The Empire. Daddy Dearest may be back from the ashes, but it looks like his son's future is going up in flames. Will true love win in the end? Or has Manhattan's royal couple officially been dethroned? _

Blair swore as she read the blast. She should've known. She had to do this and quickly. "Chuck, I know what your father did is horrible, but don't let this ruin everything you've worked for. You've dedicated your entire life to the Empire and I know that better than anyone else."

There wasn't any malice behind the words. She wasn't bitter anymore. It wasn't a memory she liked to dwell on, of course, but she needed to believe people could be absolved of their mistakes. She'd certainly made enough of her own. If forgiveness wasn't possible, then Dan should find her repulsive and he didn't. She smiled as she realized that once again it was her relationship with Dan giving her the courage to let go. He was always doing stuff like that. It was ridiculous in its repetition, his being there for her at every turn.

"Blair, you don't understand. I have literally lost everything."

She snapped, "What have you lost? Because it seems to me you actually just got a lot back."

His eyes met hers quickly, "What do you mean? Is that why you're here?"

She saw the glimmer of hope in his eyes and she felt her eyes water. She realized the implication behind her words and she regretted it immediately. She didn't want to lead him on. "No… Chuck, that's not why I'm here. I'm sorry."

In seconds his expression went from cautious optimism to crushing shock and then finally to hardened indifference. He was Chuck Bass, after all. Chuck Bass who played it so close to his chest that Blair physically hurt for him sometimes. His pain was so secret, twisted and damaged like all the rest of him, and he kept it locked up so tight that sometimes even he couldn't find it. Couldn't feel it. Blair had loved that part of him most. It was visceral. She could touch him and feel that brokenness in the way he'd suck in his breath, cautious and on edge. Waiting for the blow. It used to make her feel so alive. It was electrifying to have such an effect on another person.

Now it just hurt. It just hurt to know he hurt and there was nothing she could do to soothe it, to put his broken pieces back in place. She didn't have the answers anymore. She never really did.

"Then what is it, Blair? Because I can't keep doing this. I need to move on with my life."

He said it with such confidence, but she heard the thinly veiled threat. Chuck always straddled the line between telling the truth and playing a game. She realized that now. She made her own choices. He gave her two options and she always picked dare.

She wasn't playing this time.

"I know you do. And that's what I want for you, Chuck. It's what I want for both of us."

"So what do you need from me, Blair? My blessing? My approval? You want me to shake hands with Humphrey and congratulate him on defeating me admirably?" Chuck couldn't hide the menace behind his words when he spoke of Dan.

"No, Chuck. Because I'm not a prize. Dan didn't defeat you." She paused, fearing the impact of her next words, but needing to push forward. "I chose him. And what I need from you is to know that and… And don't let yourself be filled up by with hate, Chuck. Or vengeance. Dan didn't steal me away. I'm doing this of my own power. You once told me I was the most powerful woman you know. Do you still believe that?"

His breath caught. "Yes."

"Then you more than anyone should know no man has the power to manipulate Blair Waldorf's emotions." She took a breath. "Not anymore."

Chuck closed his eyes on a sigh, "You're in love with him."

She wasn't ready to hurt Chuck this way, "It doesn't matter what I feel for Dan. Because even if I wasn't with Dan, I wouldn't… I couldn't be with you anymore, Chuck. When we're together, the only thing we seem to succeed at is destroying each other. I don't want that for either of us. And I know you think you were on top of the world when you were with me, but where was I? And is it really the top of the world when you have to trade the person you love to get to that place?" She knew what she wanted to say and she had to be clear. She wanted to be compassionate, but it was no easy feat to tell the truth kindly. "Being on top should mean love and success. You can't truly be powerful if you're bartering one for the other. You need both. We never struck that balance. "

"Blair, while this attempt to deconstruct our relationship is vaguely stimulating, what exactly is the point here? Because it's starting to get redundant. Are you here to tell me you're dating Dan again? Because we've played this scene."

"I'm here to tell you goodbye, Chuck." She felt her vision blur again and her eyes stung with tears. "I love you, Chuck. I always will. But I don't think… I don't think we're supposed to be together." She started to cry then, tears streaming down her face as she saw his bravado fade into sadness. "I want you to be happy, really happy, Chuck, because I don't think you know what that is. And I don't know if I ever did before – "

"Before Dan?"

She hiccupped on a sob, "I'm sorry, Chuck. I don't want to talk about him. I don't want to hurt you."

Chuck looked at her and the feeling that overcame him was painfully familiar. It was the same feeling he had when he gave her his blessing to marry Louie the year before. Except this time it was magnified. Somehow this goodbye felt more permanent than even marriage. Seeing her cry in earnest before him, Chuck felt a wave of regret. He reached out to her. Her hands flew up delicately to stop him, mistaking his gesture as one of passion. But looking in his eyes, Blair saw the recognition and she knew he understood it was over. She allowed him to hold her.

"I would have done a million things differently," He whispered against her hair.

"I thought Chuck Bass had no regrets," She sniffled and laughed half-heartedly.

"Well, you've always been able to make me do things I never planned on," He laughed back.

"Chuck?"

He pulled away, "Yeah?"

"Do you think it would have made any difference?" She looked up at him with those big doe eyes and he knew what she couldn't say. But he couldn't hear it, either.

"I don't know, Blair. But I think I prefer not to know, if that's all right"

She smiled then, almost fully. "That's all right."

"I'm sorry for everything I put you through." He said it sincerely, laid it all out there and she knew he meant it. There was no turning back now, so there was no reason not to believe him. He had no agenda this time. This wasn't a game.

"You had your moments."

He squinted his eyes to keep them from tearing, "Some of the best."

It was true. She knew that. Some of the best moments of her life were with Chuck. Some of the worst too, but this wasn't the time to dwell. He'd changed her, for better and worse, but she was grateful. She'd always be grateful. "Some of the best."

_Gossip Girl: Spotted –Dan Humphrey drowning his sorrows at the Shepherd's party. We hear he's waiting for B, but we all know who's keeping her from feeling lonely right now. Can anyone soothe his achy breaky heart? Serena sure seems up for the challenge. Stay tuned, Upper East Siders. Because we predict by the end of this party, Lonely Boy will be lonely no more._

Blair looked down at her phone and cursed. Chuck read the blast and frowned, "You should probably head over there."

Blair sighed. She didn't want to leave things this. She knew she couldn't spend all night reminiscing with Chuck. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. But she didn't want him to know she was rushing out to go meet Dan. She wished she could spare him some hurt. But Serena obviously had other plans. Blair rolled her eyes, "Serena and I had a pretty big fight. She's upset over Dan and I… I-" She started to say she doubted Serena would really go after Dan, but then she stopped herself. She didn't know if she actually believed that. But she definitely knew it wasn't right to discuss it with Chuck.

"Yeah, I should. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Chuck looked at her kindly. "I think we've spent enough time apologizing to each other. "

Blair thought a joke would provide some levity, "Well, you have."

Chuck laughed quietly, "That's probably more accurate." His face suddenly turned serious, "But I am sorry, Blair. For everything I did, the big things and the little things. I know that I've hurt you in ways I don't even know about."

Blair put a hand up, "Don't, Chuck. You're right. I don't want us to be sorry about anything anymore." She paused, wanting to close this chapter less painfully than it began. "I want you to know that I'm never going to look at you and think of all the bad things that happened. I'm only going to look at you and see someone I loved."

Chuck swallowed at the past tense. His throat started to tighten and he knew he needed a drink. He could do this, he could let her go, but he was going to reward himself with many, many glasses of scotch back at the loft. He hoped Nate was home. He'd need a bartender when pouring became too complicated to manage.

"'I better go," Blair's voice was quiet, almost guilty.

"Yeah. You'd better. I'd say give Humphrey my best, but you probably wouldn't believe me."

She smiled, "No, I wouldn't."

"You'd be right not to." He gave her one last look, and took a deep breath. "Good bye, Blair."

"Good bye, Chuck." Her shoulders shook as she walked away.

He called out one last time, "Blair?"

She turned, "Yes?"

"You aren't just the most powerful woman I know. You're simply the best woman I know." He smiled, feeling strangely unburdened.

"Thank you. And remember something for me, will you?" He nodded. "You're Chuck Bass." She smiled one last time and opened the door to the stairs.

Chuck let out a deep breath as the door shut behind her. He walked over to the edge of the roof and dug around in his pocket. He pulled out the item he was looking for, balling it into his fist. He could feel the rough cut of the diamond as he wound his arm back. As he swung forward, he let it fly from his open fist and he closed his eyes, not wanting to see where it went. Because he knew. No matter where it landed, even if it was nearby, it would never be close enough. It would never be his again.

He allowed himself one tear then, before straightening his shoulders and turning to go back inside.

"I'm Chuck Bass," he whispered.

* * *

"Dan, you read the blast. You know where Blair is. You should just try to enjoy yourself. There's nothing you can do now." Serena said it as sympathetically as she could, trying mightily to hide any trace of her other intentions. She needed Dan to see the truth. Blair didn't love him the way she did. Blair didn't love him at all. Her spiteful reaction when she confronted her with her feelings for Chuck was proof enough. She was a master of self-denial and now she had twisted Dan into her mess and broken his heart.

She loved Blair. She was her best friend and she didn't want to be the villain, but she figured it was her job to force her to deal with the issues she tried so desperately to avoid. Especially when they were causing so much destruction to the lives of everyone else she loved. And when they had begun to encroach upon her own relationship.

She believed Blair had feelings for Dan, but they paled in comparison to her feelings for Chuck. And they paled in comparison to what Serena felt for him. She loved him. She had always loved him. He was the one person who always kept her on solid ground, who cared enough to hold her in place there until she could steady herself. He kept her standing. She _needed _him.

And Blair needed to deal with her relationship with Chuck. Once and for all. They had to either decide to be together and play their little games with each other or let it go and agree to stop playing with everyone else. Blair had gone too far this time. She had actually made Dan fall in love with her. It pained Serena so much, but she knew it was true. She almost hated Blair for it.

She wasn't sure what got to her more, the fact that Blair had gotten the man she loved to fall for her or the fact that she had so recklessly abused that man's feelings. She was angry for what Blair had done to her, but she was livid over what she had done to Dan.

That was why she had Penelope stall Blair. She hated to scheme like this, but she couldn't predict how long Blair's denial of her feelings for Chuck would last. She was terrified Blair would show up and tell Dan everything he wanted to hear. She couldn't allow that knowing it was all a charade. She was relieved to read the blast that she'd gone to Chuck. It alleviated any feelings of guilt over what she had planned.

Dan looked up from his drink, "Can I tell you something really ridiculous? I mean, it's actually completely inane, so please try to refrain from laughing."

Serena smiled warmly, "You can tell me anything, Dan."

He looked into his glass, contemplative. "I really thought she'd pick me."

Serena sighed, "I'm sorry, Dan. I wish I could have warned you, but I didn't know how you'd react. I didn't want you to think I was being some jealous ex-girlfriend. This is just what Blair and Chuck do. They play their games and deny their feelings and they suck people into their twisted little web. And it's not even malicious, at least not on Blair's part. I'm sure she really did think her feelings for you were real."

She tried to sound like the dutiful best friend and she did believe what she was saying, but she couldn't help but twist the knife a little deeper. She didn't want Dan thinking about Blair tonight. She knew it would take time and she was prepared to wait, but she didn't see any harm in helping him along. She just wanted him to get over her and feel better. Then maybe he could start to feel something for her again. She knew it wouldn't be automatic, but she didn't want to be Dan's rebound. The angrier he got at Blair, the easier it would be for Serena to block out the voice telling her he was in love with her. And that she meant nothing to him anymore.

Dan started to feel slightly defensive, the alcohol affecting him. "Serena, that's not… That's not who Blair is. I mean, yes, she can be scheming and manipulative, but she's also intelligent and kind and surprisingly empathetic. She may not be in love with me, but she had real feelings for me. I know that for a fact."

Serena felt her irritation rising. This was not going according to plan, "Dan, I'm her best friend. Do you really think you know her better than me? I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just trying to tell you the truth about her. You see her in these rose colored glasses where she's kind and sweet first, and manipulative and conniving second. That isn't Blair. Especially not when it comes to Chuck. And they have such a complicated history… I don't want to be the one to say it, but there's no competing with that. It's like our history."

Her last statement didn't even register to Dan, otherwise he would have refuted it. "I don't think that you know Blair as well as you think you do. And for someone who calls herself her best friend, you're tossing out some pretty harsh judgments."

Serena almost erupted, but she managed to keep from losing herself entirely. "Why are you defending her? Dan, she's with Chuck right now. So whether I'm right or you're right, whether your relationship was real or not, it's over now. I'm sitting here as your friend just trying to help you accept that. And maybe get a little angry." Her voice softened compassionately, "I don't want to see you like this."

Dan looked over at her and let out a defeated sigh, "You're right. I'm sorry. I guess it just hurts, that's all."

Serena gave him a sympathetic smile, "Well, then I revert back to my original statement. Why don't you try to enjoy yourself?"

Dan hesitated, "Thanks, but I'm not really in the mood to go out there and socialize. But you go. You don't have to stay here and commiserate with me. I'm fine basking in my self-pity with the bartender." He tried to laugh, but it hurt.

"No way! I'm your friend. I'm not leaving you." Serena hit his shoulder good-naturedly.

"Serena, really. I don't see myself getting a lot of enjoyment out of this party, but you should. Go mingle. Maybe you'll find a nice guy. Hey, Mr. Shepherd's over there." His joke fell about as flat as his heart was now that Blair had run it over.

"I have an idea. I know where we can have some fun at this party." She stood up and reached out her hand. "Come on."

Dan thought for a minute. He had few better options other than drinking himself into oblivion. He took her hand and followed.

* * *

"Excuse me, I'm sorry, pardon me." Blair tried to be as polite as she could as she maneuvered through the throngs of people. After the fifth or sixth pleasantry, she lost her patience. "Move!"

Stunned party patrons stepped aside and she finally made her way through to the other side of the room. She went straight for the bar and ordered a drink for herself and Dan. While she waited, she surveyed the crowd in search of him. She didn't see him anywhere.

Her eyes were drawn to the door beyond the bar. She felt a twinge of panic as a terrified thought came to her. She grabbed the drinks and forced herself to cross over to the door. She opened it and walked down the hall, turning at the end to the dim cigar room. The bar gave off a faint glow, but the rest of the room was dark. Still, she saw his silhouette in the shadows. "Dan! I'm so sorry I'm late!"

Dan came into her view. In her relief, Blair set down the drinks and flung herself into his arms. She didn't notice that his shirt was untucked or that his tie was on the bar top next to their drinks. "I thought you'd left."

Dan pulled back from her, a disdainful look in his eye. "Why would even care if I left?"

Blair was stung by the comment, "What do you mean? Dan, I told you I'd meet you here. What's going on with you?"

He snorted contemptuously, "What's going on with me? Blair, I know you were at the Empire. I know Chuck proposed to you. Do you seriously have to ask me what's going on?"

Blair's eyes furrowed, but she grabbed his hand to stop him, "Dan, Dan, Chuck didn't propose to me. And I was at the Empire, but not for the reason you think. Please let me explain."

Dan ran a hand through his hair, warding off the headache that was coming. "Fine, but can I have that?" He nodded to the second drink her hand.

"Of course, I brought it for you. Please sit down. There's something I need to say."

Dan braced himself for the worst and sat down at the bar top to nurse his drink. He looked straight ahead as Blair began to speak, "I went to see Chuck tonight because there were things I needed to say to him. And I know I should've dealt with this before, but I couldn't. I don't know why I wasn't ready. It wasn't because of Chuck, at least not all of it. I guess this whole thing with you and I… Well, it just-"

Her words were cut off by the vibration of her phone.

_Gossip Girl: Just when it looked like the Shepherd party was going to be a bore, I received a very interesting video from one S.V.D.W. Looks like I may have been wrong about Blair and Chuck's reunion, but the other couple in this love square was definitely feeling the heat from that long extinguished flame. Take this as a lesson, Upper East Siders. History always repeats. And we all know Serena's an expert at turning B's relationships into exactly that. These besties may share everything, but we always think it's polite to ask first. What about you, B? You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl._

Blair looked down in horror at the video on her phone. She saw Dan's eyes close on a shudder and then she heard it. A low humming vibrate coming from the corner as the blast went off on another phone. She stood up and walked toward it. She didn't have to see her in the darkness to know she was there. She barely ground the words out, "Come out."

Serena took a slow step forward, looking toward Dan for help. He simply put his head in his hands in shame. "Look, Blair. I'm sorry I sent it to the whole world, I know it's humiliating, but let's not preten-"

Her words were cut off by a sharp slap to her face. "Ask me why I'm here."

Serena lifted a palm to her cheek, but stayed silent. Blair tolerated it for a minute before she threw her glass at the ground near Serena's feet. The glass shattered everywhere and Serena winced. Dan looked up from the bar, as dread came over him.

"Ask me why I'm here, Serena." Blair spit out her name like it was poison.

Serena was scared. She knew Blair wouldn't hurt her, but the hardness in her tone filled her with anxiety. The look in her eyes made her shiver. She felt lost. Somehow she was all alone with the two people closest to her standing feet away. Dan was staring straight at Blair, completely ignoring her. And Blair looked so cold. She saw the rage in her eyes, but nothing else. It felt as if whatever thread had kept them together for so long had suddenly evaporated. She wasn't looking at her like a best friend.

She spoke softly, looking down. "Why are you here?"

"Because I'm in love with Dan."

Dan sat there frozen as Blair's eyes flickered back to him. He couldn't feel anything. Numbness began to pool in his heart, travelling down to his spine, seeping into his veins. She loved him. She loved him and he fucked Serena.

Blair turned to Dan and continued on with her earlier explanation, but the words she'd been so excited to tell him now felt bitter in her mouth. "I was scared. Because I never expected this. It happened so suddenly and I don't think I even had time to process it before it was already there. And maybe I wasn't ready in the beginning. That was why I couldn't tell you how I felt. Because I have this long history with Chuck, but you also have a long history with Serena. And I have an even longer history of my own with Serena." She stopped to laugh, but there was no merit in the sound. "I couldn't allow myself to believe you would ever choose me over her."

"And I was afraid to let go of Chuck, because I've always believed he was the one for me. And I thought if I didn't give in completely, if I didn't let him go one hundred percent and I allowed him to keep one tiny piece of me, that when you did end up with Serena, at least I would know that meant Chuck really was the one for me. It would mean that I was supposed to be with him and you were supposed to be with Serena. And I could be happy about that."

Her hands were balled into tight fists and she could feel herself drawing blood with her nails, "But then I realized that the only way to know if I'm wrong, if this is real between us, is to let go of Chuck. Because it wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to you. He isn't a consolation prize. And I wanted to give you my whole heart."

Dan watched her, rapt. He wasn't sure if it was possible, but her words were so full of love. He felt a glimmer of hope.

"So I love you, Dan." She looked straight at him and smiled. He stood up, walking over to embrace her. When he was eye to eye with her, she spoke again, any trace of warmth gone from her voice.

"And now you can go to hell."


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys, thanks for the reviews, favorites, alerts, etc. I really appreciate all of them. This is my first Dair fanfic, and the first fic I've written at all in YEARS. I used to write Pacey/Joey stories many moons ago, though. Anyone else out there from that fandom? P/J and D/B remind me a lot of each other, though I'm sad to say nothing will ever trump the Creek for me. My babies! The first couple I ever shipped. Well, that won anyway. Sorry, here we go. Onwards…

Enjoy chapter two!

Disenchantment

_Two_

"She hooked up with a girl in St. Moritz two years ago. But she was one of Ueli Maurer's daughters, so maybe that's a good thing?" Kati looked up from her notes, helpless.

Jessica turned her head sideways, confused. "Who's Ueli Maurer?"

Blair's irritation was evident in her tone, "He's a member of the Swiss Federal Council, which is something you would know if your family was ever actually invited to the White Turf." Blair let out a deep frustrated sigh, "And it's irrelevant, anyway, because some lesbian tryst inspired by low altitudes and too much eggnog is not going to help us accomplish our goal. Even Gossip Girl makes allowances for transgressions committed on The Swiss Alps. What's next?"

"Um, there's a picture of her wearing crocs. But I think it might be Photoshopped."

Kati grabbed the picture in interest, "Let me see."

Blair erupted, "Enough! Obviously you two are completely unsuitable for anything that requires this much brain power. You're both dismissed."

As they left, Blair sat down on her bed dejected. Dorota entered with a tray in hand, "Miss Blair? I make you power lunch. Not good to scheme on empty stomach."

She sat the tray down on Blair's bedside table, and then moved to stand cautiously at the door. Blair saw her hesitancy and snapped, "Well? Did you need something else?"

Dorota looked at her thoughtfully, measuring each word carefully, "Miss Blair, you sure this good plan? Maybe you and Miss Serena talk and work out problems?"

Blair began unrolling her silverware, "I'm sorry, but I didn't think I was paying you to be an arbiter of peace. Your advice is both unsolicited and unwelcome. Serena van der Woodsen is no longer the beneficiary of any loyalty belonging to anyone in this penthouse, occupants or staff. Have I made myself clear or should we reevaluate your employment?"

Dorota knew the threat was as meaningless as all the rest she'd heard over the years. However, Blair was deadly serious when it came to her feelings about Serena. Dorota sighed and reached for the letter in her pocket, knowing this time the two would not reconcile. "No, Miss Blair. But if serious about plan, then letter come today from Miss Penelope."

Blair rolled her eyes, "Can you please keep up? Penelope is no longer a part of this alliance. She sold herself to Serena, which is only further proof of her ineptitude. Nothing inside that letter is of any value to me."

Dorota hesitated once again, "She said she find secret you need. Secret no one knows. She said she meet you at Le Bernardin at eight o'clock to give details."

Blair's interest was piqued, but she did her best to disguise it, "As if she could even get a reservation." She looked at the letter surreptitiously and then resumed her lunch in nonchalance. She addressed Dorota without a glance, her voice holding the same mild irritation as always. "Unless you have more useless information to inundate me with, you can go now."

Dorota left the room, unconvinced by Blair's show of indifference. "I go steam dress for dinner. Just in case."

Blair bristled at her presumptuousness, promptly tearing open the letter once the door was closed. Her eyebrows knitted as she read its contents and she hesitated for a moment, contemplating how much damage the information would cause. She closed her eyes, preparing to place the letter back inside the envelope before a memory struck her. Serena's satisfied smile as leaned against back against bar with Dan between her thighs. Her nails, digging into his bare shoulders, pulling him closer inside her and further from Blair. Blair felt her blood run cold as the image flashed in her mind.

"Dorota!" She bellowed.

Dorota came to the door too quickly for Blair's liking, an obvious sign that she'd been waiting. "Yes, Miss Blair?"

Blair chose to ignore her expectant smile, "Take my floral Dior out of the closet and have it ready for seven. And DON'T steam it; I don't want watermarks all over the silk."

Dorota gave her a look that suggested she was entirely too pleased with herself, "Yes, Miss Blair."

* * *

Penelope sat patiently at the table in the hotel, waiting for her companion to arrive. She fiddled nervously, looking over her shoulder. She felt a slight wave of fear overtake her as she saw her enter through the double doors of the Grand Bar.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to meet with a real estate agent. I'm trying to find an apartment so I can get out of this place." She gestured to the expansive hotel distastefully. "Rufus has been paying for me to stay here, but I doubt that will last much longer now that he's not on Lily's payroll."

Penelope looked at Ivy with disinterest, "I did what you asked, but don't mistake us as friends. Everyone knows you're not a van der Woodsen, so there's no reason for me to pretend to like you."

Ivy smiled in faint amusement, "Right. I'm a commoner now, just like you. But don't worry, I'm not looking for friends."

"Then what are you looking for?"

"That's not really important here. I'm more curious about why you did what I asked," Ivy looked over at her in vague suspicion. "Last I heard on Gossip Girl, you were more interested in double crossing Blair than helping her."

Penelope huffed, "Well, she also said that you were a mental patient off her medication, but that wasn't true either, was it? Or was that the only thing you didn't make up?"

Ivy smiled, "Touché. But listen, honestly. I need to know how serious you are about this, because if the information I gave you is leaked back to me it will ruin everything."

Penelope looked down embarrassed, "Serena told me I was as useless as Blair's diary said I was and that I ruined the whole plan by not being interesting enough to distract Blair for even half an hour. She said I was so boring I probably drove Blair out of the penthouse even quicker and if I wasn't so pathetic, she and Dan would've had more time to talk."

Ivy was surprised, "Serena said that?"

Penelope's blush rose to her ears, "I suppose I inspire even generally nice girls like Serena to scale new heights of cruelty."

For a moment, Ivy felt a twinge of sympathy. "Well, if you can make sure what I told you gets to Blair and is never traced back to me, then you'll have proven yourself pretty useful in my eyes."

Penelope's usual elitist disdain surfaced, "And why would that mean anything? Who are you, some girl from Oklahoma?"

Ivy chose a different tactic, "Point taken, but if you can do as I asked, you'll also prove yourself useful to Blair as well."

Penelope's eyes lit up, obviously pleased with that idea. "Well, like I said, it's already done. Blair and I are meeting tonight."

Ivy smiled victoriously, "Good then, let's move on to lunch."

* * *

Dan sat alone at his desk, typing up his hourly email to Blair. It had been two days and he was sure he'd managed to break about three hundred or so anti-stalking laws. He had been by the penthouse hourly. He called her cell phone until she turned it off. He'd managed to fill up her voice mail twice in one day. He assumed she deleted the first twenty messages without listening to any of them, so he was left with few options other than to leave twenty more. He'd texted her at least 74 times, the first 28 being one long string of consciousness. They detailed his regret over what he'd done, his elation to know she returned his feelings, and his hope that she would please, please, **PLEASE** call him back.

His emails were pretty much more of the same, except longer since he wasn't held back by 160 character limits and persistent cramping in his thumbs. He looked over what he wrote.

_Dear Blair,_

_So it's 1:30 pm and I'm still sitting here. I started this email almost immediately after finishing the last one, so not much has changed on my end. It started to rain, though. And I've since gotten hungry for lunch, but I haven't gotten up to do anything about it. I don't remember the last time I had a lunch that wasn't prepared by Dorota. I'm sort of scared of breaking that tradition, so I guess I'll just wait for dinner._

_I know you probably aren't reading these or looking at my texts or listening to my voicemails, but… But if you were, in fact if you were standing in front of me right now, I want you to know exactly what I'd say. First off, there would be no excuses. I wouldn't tell you how Serena tricked me into believing you'd chosen Chuck. I wouldn't tell you how drunk I was. I wouldn't try to pin this on anyone or anything besides me. The fact is, Serena and I hurt you separately, and it's not fair for me to pawn it off on her. Which I would like to make very clear is NOT meant as any sort of defense of her actions. I just mean that you weren't just hurt by your best friend doing something horrible to you. I did something horrible too and I take full responsibility._

_I hate thinking that I was part of this, that you weren't just betrayed by one person of importance in your life, but both of us. And… I just realized Serena and I were grouped as an 'us' right there, so I'm asking you not to take that the wrong way too. This isn't going well. I guess it's okay that you aren't in front of me now. I obviously have many more emails to go before I fully sort myself out with all of this. _

_Anyway, what I would want to tell you if you were in front of me right now is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for who I did it with. I'm sorry for doubting you. I'm sorry for not respecting our relationship, which is the reason why I can't pin all the blame on Serena. Even if she did trick me, we weren't broken up. Having the last two days to myself to think about it, I've realized that in either situation what I did was wrong. Even if you had chosen Chuck, I still cheated on you. I should have waited to hear it from you, no matter what I thought, because I was still your boyfriend. So I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I probably confirmed every doubt you ever had about Serena and myself. I'm sorry for where everything happened, at a place that already held a painful history for you. I'm sorry that you had to see it all over Gossip Girl. I'm sorry that you were humiliated by a mistake that I made. I'm sorry for everything I did that night, Blair. Sorrier than I've ever been about anything in my life._

_And I'm sorry for other things too, that are completely irrelevant. I'm sorry it's raining right now, because I know it makes you depressed. And assuming you're probably already depressed, the rain is only making it worse. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you how beautiful you looked at the party. I'm sorry you wasted your drink. I'm sorry you wasted money on mine. I'm sorry you spent so much time making that spreadsheet of Italian restaurants, because I'm sure Rome is off your list of summer plans. I'm sorry you could never find a decent manicurist in my neighborhood. I'm sorry you hate my hair. I've actually considered offering to let you do whatever you want with it, but I'm not sure if it's wise to let you near me with scissors right now. Part of me thinks I'd risk it anyway, just to offer up some small penance. My dad's O negative, anyway, so a transfusion would be simple enough. I'm sorry I hate Jane Austen. I'm sorry you hate Bret Easton Ellis. I'm sorry I like Indian food and you hate the smell. I'm sorry my sheets aren't the right thread count. I'm sorry your mother makes you feel small. I'm sorry you never really got to be a Princess. I'm sorry your dad lives so far away. I'm sorry you think November is a pointless month. I'd declare it the longest week of October for you if I could. I'm sorry you can never finish the crossword in the Sunday Times. I'm sorry I teased you the one time I did. I'm sorry I'm from Brooklyn. I'm sorry… I'm sorry I'm Dan Humphrey._

_I never thought I'd be sorrier or more ashamed of who I am, and it's got nothing to do with being born outside of the Upper East Side. I'm ashamed of myself for what I did, for how much pain it caused you. I hate what I did to you, Blair._

_If you were in front of me right now, I'd tell you all of that. I'd tell you I'm sorry. I'd promise that it would never happen again, though I know that will never make up for the fact that it happened at all. And I'd tell you one more thing, over and over. That I love you. Because I do, so very much. I am hopelessly, stupidly, ass backwards in love with you. _

_Please call me,_

_Dan_

Dan ran his eyes over the email, scanning it one more time. He hovered over the send button for a moment, wondering whether he should add anything else. Figuring anything he forgot could go in the next one, he pressed send.

A second later he felt his phone buzz and he pulled it out of his pocket in nervous anticipation, trying in vain not to get excited. Eyeing the name on the ID, he felt all those hopes subside.

SERENA

He pressed the ignore button immediately.

* * *

Blair stood outside the golden doors of the restaurant. She just watched for a moment, as people pushed themselves through the rotating doors, coming and going. It was strangely unfamiliar, the feeling she was experiencing. The restaurant was certainly a regular haunt, the Waldorfs even had their own table, and Blair could remember entering these same doors as a child holding on to both her parents' hands. Her father would walk up ahead of the line, straight to the maître d'. The people waiting behind him would roll their eyes and huff in frustration, but he paid no mind. The host would embrace him and then her mother, raising his fingers to confirm the number of guests and ask them if they'd like their usual table. Blair remembered asking out loud one time why he always asked that same question, as if they ever sat anywhere else. She thought it was moronically redundant.

She remembered feeling safe back then, and for some years after. The world became scarier as she got older, but she always managed to hang on to a small tender piece of that innocence, of that comfort. She had it as she got older and she realized the cracks in her parents' marriage. She had it as she grew past crushes and onto boyfriends. She had it as she hit high school and the realization hit that she had to either kill or be killed to survive, overthrow or be thrown out. That small tenuous thread to her childhood stayed with her and no matter how much it stretched or pulled or frayed, it never, ever broke.

Blair saw a small dark haired girl exiting the restaurant in front of her, swinging her parent's arms back and forth as she walked between them. She remembered being that girl, nestled comfortably between her parents, lapping up the attention they extolled on her during their quiet walk home. Whether she was five or fifteen, her mother always asked the same question. "Well, which of your friends did you give the most of your attention to today, my darling?"

She loved that question. It was the only time her mother ever made her feel powerful sometimes. Like she was asking her who she'd chosen, who was lucky enough that day to experience her. The answer never really wavered, of course, because even when they were fighting, she was the primary focus of Blair's attention. Especially when they were fighting, in fact.

In a sick way, if her mother asked her that today, the answer would be the same.

"Serena," she would answer.

Blair sighed, feeling that familiar tickle in the back of her throat. She would not cry. Not here, standing in the middle of Le Bernardin, wearing Dior.

Getting a grip on her emotions, Blair checked her cell phone. It was 8:23 pm. Satisfied that Penelope had waited long enough, she finally walked through the double doors.

There was no going back this time. That thread had been broken forever. Walking up to the to table to greet Penelope, Blair realized what that unfamiliar emotion she'd felt outside was.

It was goodbye.

* * *

Across the street, at the Café Duke, a girl sat huddled against the window. She had her head buried in a newspaper and she was wearing a trench coat and sunglasses, her attempt at subterfuge drawing more attention than a billboard would have. For someone so brilliant at scheming, she looked impossibly obvious. Maybe that was all part of the act, though.

She watched Blair enter the restaurant and pulled her phone out of her purse, dialing a familiar number. She waited for the answer, drumming her nails against the tabletop.

When she heard the voice on the other line, she grinned wickedly. "Dan? Georgina here. I may have some very interesting information for you…"


End file.
